"As simple an act as it is, it (the partnership we build) invites clients to see themselves as a collaborator in making their lives better. Regardless of how they sound, client's goals are accepted at face value because those are the desires that will excite and motivate the client to initiate action in their own behalf" (Duncan, Miller & Sparks, 2007, 40).
Hearing what rangatahi say, showing them that we have heard and then acting on what they tell us, are important relationship building blocks. This keeps rangatahi at the centre of practice (see Rangatahi are the centre). Oftentimes rangatahi will use few words to communicate. So, when they do talk, we really need to hear them. This is how we make sure they know we take them and their issues seriously, and that they can trust us to work alongside them on the changes that are important to them.
Because rangatahi do not always want to spend long periods of time talking, we often build our relationship by actions, such as sharing activities (Bell, 2002). Activities are opportunities to be together and show interest, respect, and understanding, without having to always talk: ‘in experiencing enjoyment and relaxation together, children’s self-esteem is enhanced, and their resilience is promoted’ (Bell, 2002, 8). Doing things together creates natural settings for conversation (see PARTH in practice reflection sheet - Action).
We can approach the tasks of hearing and asking questions by thinking of ourselves as aliens or visitors in the life of rangatahi (Hubble, Duncan, & Miller, 1999). Asking naïve questions, being open-minded and always checking that our interpretation is correct, help us to learn the theory of change for that rangatahi (Cossar,Brandon, Bailey, Belderson, & Biggart, 2013) (see Curiosity and uncertainty).
Our goal is to appreciate the unique understanding the rangatahi has of their experiences – their social and cultural experiences, the way they see the world, their place in it and the best ways of going about making change. When we know this, we are better able to fully understand their situation and then to support them in change.
The combination of careful listening and respectful questioning helps rangatahi clarify their goals and helps us monitor the development of the helping alliance (see Agency and voice; The helping alliance & PARTH in practice reflection sheet - Agency).
When done well asking questions and hearing the answers are practical ways of sharing power (see Power). In hearing what rangatahi say, and asking questions, we create opportunities for rangatahi to actively shape how the mahi goes, what gets done, and how:
"Listening to the voice of the service user is often interpreted as attending to what people say about how they want to live; it is about their making choices. Certainly, people need to be heard and to have what control they can over their lives" (McMahon, 2018, 149).
Some strategies for asking questions and creating conversations
In the early stages of the relationship, rangatahi may not believe that we are committed to supporting them. They may hold back and seem withdrawn. So, we will often need to start the conversation. We can use our selves and the way we ask questions to show we have heard and that we understand (see Critical reflection).
Obviously, the way we use our physical self will change depending on the setting. For example, if we are driving, we would not use eye contact in the same way as we would if we were sitting next to the rangatahi. Equally, however, driving creates excellent opportunities to listen to rangatahi and create conversational openings where we learn more about them and their world. Here are some ideas for using our physical self to help show we are hearing. These are based on the information on the youthaod toolbox website (https://www.youthaodtoolbox.org.au/introduction-engaging) and there are more good ideas about how to build the relationship on that site.
Tips for conversations
Asking questions
The other part of hearing what rangatahi say is asking the right kinds of questions in the right way and giving positive feedback. We can agree with what a rangatahi says, by small verbal cues like ‘mhmm’ to encourage them to keep talking. When we ask questions, we need to look for a natural break, so we don’t interrupt. Because rangatahi often communicate with only a few words, these words are precious, and we don’t want to risk them stopping telling us, by interrupting.
Keeping the conversation going
There are also things we can do during the conversation to keep rangatahi talking to us and sharing their story. This helps us get to deeper meanings and parts of the story they may not have shared before. Often this is the information we need to adapt our mahi to fit their unique journey (see PARTH in practice reflection sheet - Adaptable).
Being curious about rangatahi, rather than pre-judging what may be happening is important (Cossar, Brandon, Bailey, Belderson, & Biggart, 2013). We start by not knowing. We learn about their ‘back-story’ by careful and respectful listening. We try to understand why certain behaviours are seen, or things are said, rather than the behaviours or words themselves. We tune into non-verbal behaviour as well as what is said. We include our own responses in a careful way and prompt rangatahi to tell us more. We might say, “when you said that, I felt (confused, angry, protective…) towards you –why do you think that was?” (Ruch,2018, 44).
Here we try to summarise what the rangatahi has told us, using their words wherever we can. We try to bring together the ideas or thoughts that they have shared. We can do this as a way of checking that we have understood. So, we might say “Did I understand you, when you said……”
Our mahi is more effective when we get feedback from rangatahi about what we are doing. Feedback helps us adapt to better fit them and their needs. We need a good relationship to be able to ask for feedback on our mahi. When we build a helping alliance we work together with rangatahi as partners and this makes it more natural for us to ask for feedback, because as partners we are always checking in about how things are going (see The helping alliance). Once we have feedback, we need to act on it. This might be as simple as setting some new goals or changing the way we talk with rangatahi. It might mean advocating with them to other organisations that have resources they are entitled to. It might mean raising issues within our organisations about different ways of doing things. Whatever it is, we need to be willing to take feedback on board to show rangatahi that they really are partners with us on this journey.
When we reflect, we are showing we have heard rangatahi share their feelings with us. So, we might say “It sounds to me like that was a really frightening situation for you….”
This is about drawing together the main parts of what rangatahi have told us. We try to bring together the thoughts, the feelings and the key parts of the story to check that we have a good overall understanding. We might say something like “you said that when you are with your mates you always get into trouble. I can see your mates are really important to you, but you also want to find ways to avoid trouble…”
When we interpret, we use our own perspective and words to re-name or re-label thoughts, feelings or actions. We need to be very careful when we interpret as we might misunderstand and leave the rangatahi feeling that we have judged them. So, when we interpret, we have to make a suggestion or wonder about whether this is the right way of thinking about it. The purpose is to help us understand not to tell rangatahi we have a fixed view. We might say: “I can see that your mates are really important to you, but are you also saying that you want to find a way to avoid getting into so much trouble?”
These are positive comments about the rangatahi and the things they have said and done. Affirmations really help build the relationship if they are real and the rangatahi can see we really do mean them. We can comment on the amazing coping skills they have, the way they responded to a particular situation, their survival skills, their empathy and care for others, their insight and understanding. There are many positive aspects we can observe and reflect back to rangatahi: “I could see you working really hard at group time yesterday when the other students were fighting. You are really good at cooling things down."
Here we share some part of our self – a feeling, an attitude, and experience or an opinion. We need to be very careful about doing this and use critical reflection with others to decide when, how and how much we reveal. We need to make sure we are doing it to help the rangatahi rather than to meet our own needs: For example, we could say: “I find that part of town quite frightening too."
This is about taking a different perspective on something the rangatahi has said. This can help them see other ways of thinking about their situation and finding new strategies. We can do more reframing once we have built a trusting and respectful relationship with rangatahi. We are not saying their views or perspectives are wrong, we are just opening up the option that there are also other ways of thinking about the issue: “I hear you saying you think you have really stuffed up at course, but I just wonder if it is worth having another go at getting back in. You were doing so well up until that incident.”
Once we have established the relationship, we can find ways to gently challenge some of the ways rangatahi are thinking about the issues they face. This is about gently asking questions so rangatahi can think differently about the choices they might make or the way they approach issues. We need to be careful not to give the sense that we are challenging them, or that we don’t support them. We can say things like: “I know you have said there is no way out of the gang. I can see how risky it is to try to move. But have you thought about trying to talk to that guy who left last year to see if he can help, or if there is some other way……”
How do I use these ideas in my mahi?
I worked with Jono who came to our agency on the recommendation of his parents who wanted support in helping Jono prepare for work and to also work on his social anxiety. Jono had learning difficulties and this combined with his social anxiety made school difficult. Because of this, he had now left school. His favourite thing to do was gaming, which added to his parents’ concerns. As I began my mahi with Jono, I took the time to learn about his interests; although he had learning difficulties and had found school difficult, his knowledge and skills in gaming were to be admired.
It was wonderful listening to his stories about his gaming and how he connected with other gamers online. Jono spoke quietly and was not always confident expressing himself. So, it was important that I took the time to listen, to paraphrase and summarise what he said to me and reflect it back to him to check I had interpreted his words correctly. It was also useful to support him to identify the things he was happy and proud about. I could use this information to reframe this discussion so that he could see things differently. For example, he said school was a difficult time for him, but he mentioned how being in the IT lab was a good time for him. We were able to talk about the things that were good about this experience and how he may be able to use this experience to think about where he might like to look for work. This was a key area where he felt successful and proud of what he had achieved. He also told me he wanted to get fit and try going to a gym; his friend had done that, and his friend was much happier now he was getting fit. Jono wanted to give it a go and hoped it might help with his anxiety.
In our meetings we talked about what he would do if things happened at the gym that made him feel uncomfortable, such as talking to new people, and how he would manage this. In reflecting on how he felt about attending the gym, I used scaling to measure the changes in his feelings and in his confidence. He liked this process as he was very methodical, and he recorded this on his computer to see how much he had achieved. He then talked about how he would feel when he tried different things, such as joining a face-to-face gaming group.
The confidence he gained in attending the gym was also a foundation for starting to think about where he would like to work. He said that he wanted to do something that used his gaming skills and said he wanted to begin with a course. Together we searched out an online gaming development course that was primarily online but had some potential for face-to-face meetings with a tutor. We started planning for his enrolment in this course.
In talking with my supervisor about what I had learned from my mahi with Jono I reflected on how important it was for me to listen carefully to Jono and take my time in communicating with him. It could take a while for him to express his thoughts and feelings, so it was important for me to go at a pace that was comfortable for him.
It was also important for me to talk less, and ensure that he had space in which to talk. Also important was helping him notice his strengths and celebrate what he had achieved, using these achievements as a foundation for making new plans and goals and expanding his opportunities.
We contacted his friend and learned about the gym and what his friend did there. We started to plan the steps needed for Jono to attend the gym. We used a scaffolding technique to make this happen; I accompanied Jono and his friend to the first meeting and enrolment at the gym where a personal trainer explained what was available. We also found out what times the gym was quiet, with few people, so that we could identify a good time for Jono to go, when he would feel more comfortable. I drove Jono to his first few sessions and then as he became more confident, he took the bus.
Here are some places to look for more information
- Bell, M. (2002). Promoting children’s rights through the use of relationship. Child and Family Social Work, 7, 1-11. https://doi.org/10.1046/j.1365-2206.2002.00225.x
- Beresford, P., Croft, S. & Adshead, L. (2008). ‘We don’t see her as a social worker’: A service user case study of the importance of the social worker’s relationship and humanity. British Journal of Social Work, 38, 1388-1407. https://www.jstor.org/stable/23724349
- Cossar, J., Brandon, M., Bailey, S., Belderson, P. & Biggart, L. (2013). ‘It takes a lot to build trust’. Recognition and telling: Developing earlier routes to help for children and young people. A report for the Office of the Children’s Commissioner for England. University of East Anglia, Centre for research on children and families. Norwich, England. https://www.childrenscommissioner.gov.uk/report/it-takes-a-lot-to-build-trust/
- Duncan, B., Miller, S. & Sparks, J. (2007). Common factors and the uncommon heroism of youth. Psychotherapy in Australia, 13, 34-43. https://search.informit.org/doi/10.3316/informit.545300571675378
- Hubble, A., Duncan, B. & Miller, S. (Eds) (1999). The heart and soul of change: What works in therapy. American Psychological Association, USA. https://doi.org/10.1037/11132-000
- McMahon, L. (2018). Long-term complex relationships. In G. Ruch, D. Turney &A. Ward (Eds). Relationship-based social work: Getting to the heart of practice (2nd Ed). (pp 147-164). Jessica Kingsley, London.
- Munford, R. & Sanders, J. (2020). Transformative practice: social work practice with vulnerable young people. European Journal of Social Work, https://doi.org/10.1080/13691457.2020.1819205
- Munford, R. & Sanders, J. (2019). The youth transitions study: Final report. Technical Report 39. Massey University, New Zealand. https://youthsay.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/Youth-Transitions-Study-Final-Report.pdf
- Munford, R., & Sanders, J. (2016). Finding meaningful support: Young people's experiences of “risky” environments. Australian Social Work, 69, 2, 229-240. https://doi.org/10.1080/0312407X.2015.1133682
- Ruch, G. (2018). The contemporary context of relationship-based practice. In G. Ruch, D. Turney & A. Ward (Eds). Relationship-based social work: Getting to the heart of practice (2nd Ed). (pp 37-54). Jessica Kingsley, London.
- Sanders, J., & Munford, R. (2019). PARTH practices and better outcomes: Creating 'lucky' encounters between social workers and vulnerable youth. In R. Munford, & K. O'Donoghue (Eds.), New theories for social work practice: Ethical practice for working with individuals, families and communities (pp. 27-43). Jessica Kingsley, London.
- Sanders, J., Munford, R., Ballantyne, R., Henaghan, M., Allison, R., & Jackson, R. (2017). Conditional openness: young people define practices for successful child protection interventions. Journal of Social Welfare and Family Law, 1-18. https://doi.org/10.1080/09649069.2017.1351738
- Sanders, J., & Munford, R. (2015). Fostering a sense of belonging at school-five orientations to practice that assist vulnerable youth to create a positive student identity. School Psychology International, 37, 2, 155-171. https://doi.org/10.1177/0143034315614688
We thank the Ministry of Business, Innovation and Employment for funding the research that created this resource (MAUX2006).
This resource was developed by Professor Jackie Sanders. It was refined with input from Donna MacNicol, Te Aroha Noa Community Services, Justina Webster, Dr Linda Liebenberg, Professor Robyn Munford, Dr Jayne Mercier, Davinia Abbott and the team at Dingwall Trust Launch Programme
Citation: Sanders, J. with MacNicol, D., Webster, J., Munford, R. Liebenberg, L., Mercier, J., Abbott, D. and the Dingwall Trust Launch Team (2023). Hearing what rangatahi tell us and asking questions. Relational Resources for Change, https://youthsay.co.nz/rbp-theories/hearing-what-rangatahi-tell-us-and-asking-questions/
CC BY-NC-ND Licensed using Creative Commons Licensing. Relational Resources for Change Project. You are welcome to use this resource individually, in your teams and in supervision/coaching/critical reflection, you should acknowledge the source using the above citation. You may not change this document, use it to develop your own external training, or for commercial purposes (e.g by charging a fee).
